CLOSURE

It is such an overused word. The first time I ever really remember hearing the word used in the context most people use it for today is when Rachel said it to Ross on a voice mail message on the TV sitcom “Friends.” Remember, Rachel was drunk on a date or something and leaves Ross a message saying she is “over him” and he listens to it and says something like, “She is over me? When was she under me?” Hilarious! Anyway, even with saying closure is an overused word, I do understand the need to wrap things up. I have always been that kind of a person. I am not fond of books or movies that don’t give you a solid ending. I like to use my imagination as much as the next person, but if I am going to pay to buy a book, take the time to read it, or pay to watch a movie – I want an actual ending. I don’t want to be left wondering, “did he or didn’t he, or will she or won’t she?” I like a neat little red bow tied onto the ending. That is just me.

I think that is one of the hardest parts of losing someone unexpectedly. You don’t get the “neat little red bow” ending. You are left wondering, contemplating, projecting, guessing etc. It is not fun. It is frustrating and difficult. There are so many things that were unclear and more things I wanted to say. There were questions that were not asked and answers that were not given. There were emotions, feelings , regrets that were never spoken and it leaves me feeling broken and in a certain state of constant anxiety. I know I need to come to terms with the fact that I don’t get the “red bow” but it is going to take time. Time is not my friend right now because you can’t speed it up or slow it down, it just happens. You can’t force your mind or your heart to do what you want, you just have to patiently wait for the healing to happen on its own.

So for now, I get up, get ready for work, get the girls off to school and begin my day. Then when I end my day the wondering and uncertainty rears its ugly head.

So go ahead and overuse the word because if you are anything like me, you understand it and feel so much better when endings can be tied with a little red bow! For those endings that aren’t……..ask me tomorrow, I may have a better answer for you.

Farewell My Love

I have been wanting to begin my blog again for some time and now is as good a time as any. Since our life has unexpectedly suffered a tremendous loss, I feel the need to address it and begin our new phase with a tribute to one of the most hilarious and loving men I have ever known.

To My Incredible Hulk (for those who used to read my blog - you understand the reference).

Every Time.....
I watch a Jim Carrey movie
I hear our wedding song
I glimpse a man in camouflage shorts
The family turns on "The Burbs"
I look into our daughters eyes
U2 comes on the radio
A silver mustang drives by
I encounter a good looking bald male
I shed a tear
I pet Sammy
I see the #14
I kiss our girls goodnight
I lay my head down on my pillow
I breathe

I will think of you! I love you so much and cannot wait until we are together again.

No, You Look Good!

So Monk was at school and she was looking in a magazine at a picture of some food and she remarked, "That food looks good." And her classmate, a cute boy who sits next to her remarked back to her, "No, you look good." It wasn't the first nice thing he has said to her. We are pretty sure he has a little Monk crush!

Here are a few more pictures of my beautiful girl dancers.

Halloween Fun

We had fun at the school parties and the parade.







We also had fun on Halloween Night!

Pumpkin Carving Fun

This is the first year that Smoke has been able to carve pumpkins with us and the girls had lots of fun. Too bad I forgot to put the pumpkins outside on Halloween and they ended up rotting on my kitchen counter. It was fun so I guess it doesn't matter.

Monk with her carving kit along with my favorite centerpiece in the world....





The girls getting the guts out...



Monk and Tink drew their own faces on their pumpkins. Here they are carving.

Tink taking a break during the pumpkin carving because she has the attention span of a fly!



All Finished!

Tribute to my MIL

Yesterday, October 1, 2008, was my Mother-in-Law's Birthday. If I was a really good daughter in law I would have blogged this yesterday, but hey - it is what it is. So back to my mother in law. Her name is Sharon and she ROCKS! You always hear stories of how difficult MIL's are, but I hit the jackpot with mine. First of all, I need to add her to my previous blog below because I can't believe I forgot to put her on it.

When I need to decorate ANYTHING...What would Sharon do?

Thanks to ValPal for unintentionally reminding me that Sharon was not on my list.

So my MIL is an amazing decorator and artist. She has more talent in her pinky finger than most people have in their whole body. She is caring, loving, giving, unselfish, funny, creative, artistic and I could just go on and on. She is genuinely just nice to the core. I know if I ever needed her for anything, she would be there for me in a heartbeat. Just as an example a few weeks ago I was cleaning my carpets and I could not get the machine to work. I called her and asked her if she could help me and she was at my house ready to fix and do whatever I needed her to within 10 minutes of my call.

Sharon has not had an easy life and for the last 20 years her health has not been great, but she just keeps on doing her best to be strong and faithful. I love her and am so thankful I am part of her family. She treats me like her own daughter and she is a great mother to me. I love her with all my heart and wish I could take away all of her pain. Her character is something I admire more than she knows and I send this tribute out to her as my way of telling her how much I love her and how much she means to me, even though I don't always show it.

I love you Sharon!

What would you do?

I am tagging all of my friends who all have special gifts and talents that have blessed me in my life at one time or another. if I mention you here...do the same on your blog...and tag me in one of your things...if I deserve it =)?

When you need to work on your car...What would JUSTIN or CRAIG do?
Computer Graphics or Digital Scrapbooking…What would TANGIE do?
When you need to clean your house...What would MIC HELLE T. do?
When you need to fix your house...What would CRAIG or JAKE do?
When you need to fix your air conditioning…What would CASEY do?
Need to look hot...lose weight...What would JEN or AFTEN W or TARA CURTIS do?
When you are worried about finances...What would MICHELLE CURRY do?
Having a baby...What would BETH do? (cuz she has had so much experience)
When you need to work on a friendship, or influence people for the good...What would AFTEN W do?
When you need to throw a great party….What would KELLI do?
When you need love, laughter, fun and a little spontaneity in your marriage….What would KIMMIE AND ROB do?
When you need to toilet paper someone’s house….what would BETH, KELLI, MICHELLE C., CORI, AMY AND JULIE do?
When you need to be strong in the face of trials and adversity…what would BETH and KYLE do?
When you need to travel ….what would AMY H. do?
When you need to be creative or crafty….what would CORI do?
When you need to sing...What would LIZ do?
When you need to talk to someone, or someone needs to talk to you...What would STACY do?
When you need to sew a shirt...What would SERENA do?
When you need to laugh out loud...What would JUSTIN or KAIDI do?
When you need to be a sister to someone who really isn't...What would STACY or HILLARY do?
Need to make something yummy for a party...What would JEN do?
When you need to watch TV...What would JAKE do?
When you need to take a picture....What would AFTEN W do?
When you need to send someone a gift just because….What would Amy H. do?
Broke you car windshield...What would COUNTRY COMPANIES do? (hee hee)
When you need to be there, sincerely, for no good reason at all...What would NOEL or KELLI do?
Legal Advice....What would STAN do?
When you need to have faith...What would AFTEN W do?
When you need to feel unconditional love…What would the SAVIOR do?