Out of the Mouth of Monk

Monk had to give a talk on Sunday in Primary. The topic was Prophets. I quickly threw some data onto some paper at like 11:00pm on Saturday night. The car accident kind of made my brain freeze. So I scribble a bunch of stuff down planning to edit it and rewrite it in the morning before church. I know what you are thinking - "why didn't she just print it out like normal people?" That would be because my dear husband has been promising me he would figure out why our printer will not work and it has now been three years without a printer." Anywho - I woke up on Sunday with a massive migraine headache, compliments of the accident I am sure. I sent my girlies off to church with their grampa (one of the positive aspects of going to the same church as my in-laws). So Monk gives her talk, but unfortunately I missed it. So I asked her how it went and she said it was fine, that is was kind of hard to read some of my writing, but she did her best.

Well tonight at FHE I asked her to give her talk (I was totally just trying to get out of planning the lesson, but hey - whatever works). Monk was happy to do it, so she starts to read me the information I had scribbled down on Thomas S. Monson.

Here is a very abbreviated version:

Thomas S. Monson was the 16th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.......President Monson was called to be a Bishop at the age of 22. His ward had approximately 1,000 members, and among them were 85 windows that he visited regularly. Did you catch that.."WINDOWS" instead of "WIDOWS." I promise you I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. Monk was like, "what mommy?" and when I pointed out to her what she had said, her face brightened up and she said, "oh, that is why Sister Hernandez was laughing during my talk." So sure enough, not only did I get the best laugh of the year, but so did the entire primary. Oh, I love my Monk!

Teenage Drivers #$@&#!*

So the latest drama in my life is that I was driving home from picking up Monk and Tink on Thursday, the 24th of April (which had already been one of the worst days ever for me). I am heading East on Elliot and I begin to cross the intersection at McClintock and Elliot on a yellow light. Low and behold the 18 year old girl in a 94Camry who is in the left turn lane opposite of me, trying to turn South onto McClintock, turns left directly in front of me and, yep - you guessed it - WHAMMO! I crashed right into her car. It was a pretty big accident. Her car was totalled, mine has a lot of damage to the undercarriage drivers side. I was not hurt, nor were the girls except I banged up my knee pretty bad and of course we all have whiplash. The other girls looked like a freakshow because their airbag deployed and cut up their lips and stuff. So out of nowhere, like cockroaches, all of these teenagers appear. I am dead serious - like 20 teenagers all holding traffic court right in front of the cops. I was less than pleased. She was cited for failure to yeild to oncoming traffic. I went to the ER to see how much damage my knee sustained (nothing major, just really banged up).

So now I am dealing with insurance companies, adjusters, a rental car. Okay so I go and pick up my rental car and it is a black HHR which looks exactly like a modern version of a hearse. Or it also looks like an extended PT cruiser. It is hideous. All I need are neon flashing lights underneath and I can go and drag race it in Guadalupe - oh, wait, did I just actually type that? So anyway, I get in the car and am overwhelmed with the odor of what could have been, the cleaning crew smoking doobies the night before. NO KIDDING! The car reaks of previously smoked hashish, refer, weed, pot etc. I would know the smell because - well no need to get into all of that - those of you who know me can fill in the rest of that story.....Hee Hee! I'll leave the rest of you to wonder.......

And just in case you think I am making it up, my mom got in the car the day I got it and said, "wow, it smells like pot in here." Ding Ding Ding - give her a prize Vanna - she hit the jackpot. And if any of you doubt that I know what pot smells like, you can't deny that my mother, the queen of smoking doobies in her day, smelled it right on.

So needless to say, I took the car back today and got a Saturn. I still feel like an elephant trapped in a mini cooper, but it is better than the weird looks I was getting from the odor that followed me around. I miss my Tahoe. Once you go big - you can't go back!

I love my girlies!

So I have two beautiful girls and for the sake of being on the internet and wanting to protect girlies, my girls are heretofore named Monk and Tink.

Monk is 9 years old and an angel sent from above. She is helpful, sweet, sensitive, well behaved, tidy, organized, smart, responsible, obedient, loves to read, clean, sing and watch movies with mom! She also thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread. Can you tell I just love her to death? So here is something funny about Monk - everytime she has to write the word "curve" in math, you know like it has curves rather than straight lines, she writes "curbes" instead.

Tink is my almost 6 year old and also one of the loves of my life. Tink is adorable, has twinkling eyes, loves to snuggle (my favorite thing to do), has the best laugh in the world, will eat all day long if I let her and is my sneaker -if she can sneak it - she will find a way! So we are driving home from Lowe's the other night and Tink says to me, "mom, can you read us the Baptism book you read to us last night again tonight?" I said, "sure." Tink says, "good, because I like non-fiction." If I would have been drinking something, I would have spit it out for sure. She then says to me, "I have been learning about fiction and non-fiction at school mom - non-fiction is when something is true and fiction is when something is not true, I like non-fiction stories the best." I am thinking to myself, "I don't think I knew fiction and non-fiction in kindergarten...... She cracks me up!

Are pigs flying?

I never thought I would actually have a blog. I am not sure that I actually do....this could be a dream since I was falling asleep at work earlier today. My friends have inspired me to join the world of blogging. I have decided to do it so I won't miss out on these hilarious years of trials and tribulations we call life. I was watching Oprah and was inspired by Jamie Lee Curtis who is trying to live the most authentic life she can and she is "paring" away the layers of superficiality and just putting it all out there. I think she is amazingly courageous and in my own small way I think I would like to do the same thing. We'll see how it goes.

Now I just have to figure out how to put pictures on my blog....help anyone!